i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
