also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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