Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
