dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
