You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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