No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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