Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
MIDGETS
????
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
