I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize