either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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