dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize