found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
