on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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