I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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