I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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