I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i think i just lost a toe
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