dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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