ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
