no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
