yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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