____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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