come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I love you. Go after that dick
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
