just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
