??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Semen is not good for contacts.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
