Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I could make wine with my vomit
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
