i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
