There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
