Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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