listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize