He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
