As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
