You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
