YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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