I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
