Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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