I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
