I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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