I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
