I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
