she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
