It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
