Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
