I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
