3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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