im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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