Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
