absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
