I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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