Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
