I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
