He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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