All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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