I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
