Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
