...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
