He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
