I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
