Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
