the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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