apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Drunk is not a location!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
