you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
