Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
