Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
