I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
