True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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