Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
