Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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