wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
