I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
